Posts Tagged ‘writing’

This month in Online Insights I combine one part election with one part masterchef and two parts history, unveil a tool to help you maintain a secret journal, give you a political voice, and give you front row seats to as many local jazz concerts as you wish right from your computer.

History Chef

Recently, our Prime Minister and the leader of the opposition held a contrived, plastic debate on live, Sunday night television. It marked the beginning of another federal election period with all the smear, puffery, deceit and staging one sadly has come to expect. What drew most coverage before the event was the fact that this excruciatingly tedious program was scheduled at the same time as the grand finale of yet another stale reality show, MasterChef. It was feared the masses would rather watch formulaic reality programming with cooking-show flavour than formulaic political debate with, well, no flavour.

It irks me that both television and our political landscape have descended from nutritious staples to artificially-flavoured poison. But that is for another article. What I have stumbled across is a website that ties politics and the culinary arts together in a much more appetising way – History Chef.

This delightful, albeit American, site is worth a meandering visit. Suzy Evans, who got her Ph.D in History, has woven a whimsical collection of food-based anecdotes involving US presidents and historical figures and their dietary preferences. Probably doesn’t sound that interesting at first, but I urge you to take a look. What I loved about this site was the way its stories gave is easily digestible tid bits of daily life. As you read and picture the people and the food they were consuming you really do feel like you have been transported back in time and given a truly authentic taste of life in another era. Some of my favourites include: Read the rest of this entry »

Before I start with the websites, I have to give eBay a blast tonight for allowing pompous, over-spun, conceited, corporate speak on their site. eBay is pretty good at saying things like “our fees are going up and it will help you as a seller”, that sort of thing, but now they have started running ads on their US website, using ads from the Yahoo network. This alone is an unsound move in my opinion, however, they have the gall to say it will help improve our eBay experience. What utter piffle. What I am about to read you is a direct quote from the ebay.com website and has been written by a smug little corporate word-mangler, or some old, cynical, burnt out, disengaged corporate hack. How could anyone with an ounce of customer insight or marketing knowhow, come up with this explanation for the new “AdChoice” feature on eBay? Here we go:

“We may use information we have about you to make sure that the ads you see, on the eBay site or elsewhere, are as relevant to you as we can make them. We think these relevant AdChoice ads will personalize and improve your eBay experience.”

OMG!

How to Detect Lies and Become a Lie Detector
At the Blifaloo website, I have found an introduction on how to tell if somebody is lying to you. The techniques covered on this page are reportedly similar to those used by police, and security experts. There is an interesting disclaimer or warning on the page that says:

“Sometimes Ignorance is bliss; after gaining this knowledge, you may be hurt when it is obvious that someone is lying to you.”

Some of the signs of deception start with the smile. If someone smiles and it mainly involves their mouth, they are likely to be faking it. Real smiles involve cheeks, foreheads and particularly eyes. In fact, this tutorial suggests that the eyes give it away because few people can squint their eyes while doing a fake smile.

Looking at the rest of the body, liars will make quite stiff limb movements and hold most limbs close to their body and are unlikely to place an open hand on their heart or chest. They will probably touch their face, throat or mouth, behind their ear or scratches their nose. But the tutorial also makes a blunder. It says liars will typically avoid eye contact. At this point, they should single out different cultural groups because from the few cross cultural workshops I have done, particularly with aboriginal culture, eye contact is typically avoided and is often seen as an aggressive stance.  So use this tutorial with care.

When it comes to verbal context and content, there are a couple of intriguing points:

1 – liars will often avoid lying by NOT making indirect statements, they will imply answers rather than deny things directly. Just reflect on this point, next time you watch an interview with a politician or company spokesperson. Or listen to Leon Byner – you hear this sort of thing all the time.

2 – if you suspect someone is lying, change the subject quickly and watch if the person changes quickly too, and becomes relieved and relaxed. A liar will be grateful to have moved on. Someone who had been telling the truth will typically be confused by the change and will often try to bring the subject back so it can be dealt with.

Use with care – here is the link – http://www.blifaloo.com/info/lies.php.

EcoImpact Carbon Footprint Calculator
Everything has an eco-footprint. By that, I mean everything has an impact on the environment through its production, use and disposal. This handy widget-based calculator, made by EcoSynergy, a software company that has made a platform for making carbon footprint calculations, helps focus our attention on just how much the tiniest things in our lives affect the environment.

This calculator covers a range of aspects of live, from food to the office, from building to the household. Here are some examples:

Food

450g of white rice has a 1.3kg carbon footprint, while the same amount of pasta is only 953g of CO2.

450g of beef has an 11kg carbon footprint, yikes! Whereas smoked ham has a 4.5kg footprint, as do eggs.

Office

Photocopiers, printers and toner are among the worst culprits when it comes to carbon emissions. So when documents say “think before printing” you now know how important that is. Projectors and whiteboards are also large emitters of CO2.

What struck me was that even your humble box of 1000 staples, emits the same CO2 as driving a sedan about 17km or using a laptop computer for 300 hours.

Household

That set of 4 drinking glasses at home, caused about 12kg of CO2 emissions, and three bath towels cost about 18kg.

And the big one is the television. Just a 32 inch tv has a 257kg carbon footprint, equivalent to driving a sedan about 1200km, or using a laptop for 22,000 hours. And given the amount of rubbish on television, either driving or communicating via the laptop would be much better for you!

You can play with the free calculator at http://www.ecosynergyinc.com/share/widgets/.

Food Craving Chart
On this page by Dr Colleen Huber, a naturopath, you will find some ideas about what is lurking behind the various food cravings you might be experiencing. Here are some I found most helpful:

If you crave chocolate, you are really after magnesium which you can find in raw nuts and seeds, legumes and fruit.

If you crave lollies, you could be after chromium which you can find in broccoli, grapes, cheese and chicken.

If you crave lollies, you could also be after carbon which you can find in fresh fruits.

If you crave bread or toast, you are really after nitrogen which you can find in high protein foods such as fish, meat, nuts and beans.

If you crave oily snacks or fatty foods, you are really after calcium which you can find in foods like mustard greens, broccoli, cheese and sesame. Actually, sesame pops up a lot in Colleen’s writing. I am thinking I should find a source for sesame in my diet.

If you crave coffee or tea, you could be after phosphorous, sulphur, salt or iron which you can find in a whole range of foods from eggs to capsicum, to liver, to seaweed, to meat, and to black cherries.

If you crave solids to liquids, it means you are so badly dehydrated you have lost your sense of thirst, so you need to drink water ASAP, perhaps flavoured with lemon or lime. Curiously, if you seek liquids over solids, the prescription is the same – more water, about 8-10 glasses a day.

The list goes on with recreation drugs, tobacco, overeating, burnt food, chewing ice, etc.

You can read the list yourself at http://www.naturopathyworks.com/pages/cravings.php.

Top 40 Requested Bridal Waltzes
Adelaide company, Entertaining Events, has a list of the top 40 requested bridal waltzes as reported by their DJs. And I must say, people have mixed taste!

Love is all around by Wet Wet Wet comes in at number 5, I Swear by All-4-One at number 4, Hero by Enrique Iglesias at number 3, There You’ll Be by Faith Hill at number 2, and Beautiful In My Eyes by Joshua Kadison at number 1.

There are some other standards there I would expect, such as Have I told you lately by Van Morrison, Can’t help falling in love by Elvis, When you say nothing at all by Ronan Keating, Sea of love by the Honey Drippers, and Unchained melody by the Righteous Brothers.

There are some shockers in there too, such as You are so beautiful by Joe Cocker (this is a great song, but how could you possibly dance to it); Waiting for a girl like you by Foreigner (it is just moody and mopey); and the worst entry is Cruisin by Gwyneth Paltrow and Huey Lewis (this really is a classic B-side nothing commercial time filler that should never have been picked up by radio, let alone played as the song to launch your marriage).

You can check out the list at http://www.entertainingevents.com.au/wed40.html.

Adelaide Green Porridge Forum
I have found an amusing blog written by a fellow Adelaidean, Colin Campbell. Colin describes himself as a “Transplanted Scot, with an Australian partner, a seven year old would be Computer Game Junky/Cricketer/Yugioh Duellist/Pirate.., nine year old all Singing and Dancing/Mobile Phone Video Artist.., Spotty the annoying but friendly dog, Ben and Daisy, the rabbits, 7 budgies , the memory of Mr Quail, 2 goldfish and a few worms (they suspend life in the hot weather). I spend most of my time tending to the needs of my employer and my flock, ferrying, cooking, child taming, washing the dishes, cleaning, dusting…you get the picture. We just bought a house, so I am gainfully employed with my wife’s long list of projects *sigh*.”

His blog is a delightful collection of thoughts and humorous observations on life. I particularly like his post on July 17, 2008, about speed cameras. The state government is about to spend 3.5 million on new speed and traffic light cameras but Colin gives this a eerie twist with an image of a speed camera fitted with a machine gun. His story says there is likely to be a spike in the road toll at first, but then the cameras will start saving lives!

I also like his entry from earlier that week about the Sheffield Shield name returning to state cricket. Here’s his intro, “The Intra State Australian Cricket Competition and major loss leader for Cricket Australia in their quest for world dominance in the land of the Silly Mid Off, Point and Square Leg has had a face lift and is set for new life as the Sheffield Shield again. Many Australian traditionalists have been unhappy with the retirement of the shield and its replacement by Pura, a milk brand.”

Make an amusing appointment with his blog at http://adelaidegreenporridgecafe.blogspot.com/.

Charge Your Glasses
This site begins with a reassuring introduction – “Worried about your wedding speech? Charge Your Glasses is here to give you content and confidence. Whether you are the father of the bride, groom or best man, we provide everything you need for a brilliant, smooth-flowing speech. And yes, it is all free. The catch? There isn’t one.”

The site helps you work through the speech creation process methodically, breaking speeches down to the following components:

1. Opening
2. Introducing yourself
3. Relief
4. Physical
5. His early years
6. School Days
7. College / University
8. Job
9. Hobbies
10. Drink
11. His home
12. Girls
13. Meeting his wife
14. The happy couple
15. How she’s changed him
16. His wife
17. Our friendship
18. Summing him up
19. Toast

To get going, you just click on a section of the speech at a time and then on a relevant angle, By choosing the topic of “girls” and then “his first time”, I got this delightfully saucy piece:

I bumped into a familiar looking girl in the pub last week.

After I’d stared at her for a few minutes she came over and introduced herself …

… as the woman who had taken away Lawrence’s innocence many years ago.

I was shocked.

Because she made the story last for an hour and a half.

Which, from my understanding …

… was approximately an eighty nine minutes longer than the original incident!

But working backwards, there is a brilliant opening ploy called “I’m going to shock you”.

Never before, in the history of weddings, has a best man been under more pressure.

People kept whispering about what I should and shouldn’t say.

And then I heard that Anna had approached my wife to find out what was my speech contained.

So I’m sure you’d all like to know that this

(pause and hold two pieces of paper in the air)

is the official, authorised, family-friendly version of my speech.

(Pause. Rip it up in front of them.)

Well, for those of you who remember Blue Peter … here’s one I prepared earlier!

(Produce another speech from pocket)

This is an excellent site and great for excellent ideas. You will have to register to use it, but it is all free, and can be found at http://www.chargeyourglasses.com/.

The Mother Of All Excuses Place
If you have ever wanted to find a tactful way to get out of a commitment, this site is for you. The guys behind this site have collected excuses from the workplace and take submissions to be added to the website.

The excuses are grouped into themes, such as, missing school and homework, police or accident, kids, getting out of family events and holiday functions, breaking dates, doctors and doctors note, missing church, wedding, diet, why I ate that, debt, tax, not paying the rent, getting out of home repairs, unwanted house guest, jury duty, not voting, no sex, and miscellaneous.

Some of my favourites include:

Church Excuses

• Well…I could not come to the church last Sunday… because there was a sermon in the radio.
• (Real Mysterious Sounding) “I just had this feeling I shouldn’t be there.”

Work excuses

• My car ran out of gas on the way to work. I was pushing it to a gas station and I got a stomach hernia and I have to go to the doctors.
• A graphic artist I once knew told me of a person who called in and said his house had burned overnight. He was caught in the lie when word got out because co-workers took up a collection and the guy had to come clean when they gave it to him. He said it’s just so much easier to say you’ve got diarrhea. They can’t argue with that.
• Constipation has made me a walking time bomb.

Breaking a date

• This is how to break a date: (if you live with your parents) when the other person calls you, and asks you what they want to do, say “Just a second, let me ask my mom” then you go to your mom and scream “MOM! F— YOU!!” almost any mother would then ground you….Case solved, instead of being with the loser….quality time with yourself.”

You can find these excuses, and more, at http://madtbone.tripod.com.

The Cool Hunter
This mainly pictorial site is an eye opener. If you want to see “cool”, amazing, and sometimes awful and eccentric architecture, this site needs to be in your bookmarks.

Of particular note, is the feature on the private, seaside estate being created in Abu Dhabi, in the United Arab Emirates. Apartments will sell for about 40 million dollars each – so oil sheiks will be needing to keep the price of oil high to pay for them. I think you need to see these sleek buildings which sit on stilts in the sea. Staggering. My link takes you to this pictorial, to continue looking at the site, just click on the menu item, Architecture, towards the top of the page. See the site at http://www.thecoolhunter.com.au/architecture/Exclusive-Private-Residential-Estate-Abu-Dhabi/.

Then, if you want to see some amazing bars and clubs, click on the bars/clubs menu item and make sure you see the weird, jetsons-like setting of the Blue Frog Lounge in Mumbai.