I want to say this song wrote itself. But it didn’t. The idea did but the writing process was similar in duration to a mother elephant giving birth. In fact, as you will see at the bottom of this page, there are 12 pages of hand scribbled notes as I played with the idea of writing this in the style of Alice’s Restaurant; a long, rambling, seemingly disconnected story that actually is held together by an ingenious thread.
But as I listened to early attempts to bring that to life, my instincts kicked in. This need to hold that satirical, protest-song, slightly comedic tone, and more conventional stanza structure and rhyming patterns would help listeners stay connected.
So what inspired this song? It was an article in Glam Adelaide, titled, AnimalOver $4 million pledged to restore the health of the River Torrens in major push to bring back platypuses.
I’m sure you’d agree, like the writer, that this would be excellent. However, the devil was in the detail.
Firstly, Green Adelaide had a story about re-introducing platypuses to our River Torrens, with amazing timing that enabled the article to weave it together with the government’s “sweetener” policy to stop “greenies” complaining about its Park Lands destruction on the alter of MotoGP.
Secondly, the had to litter their piece with what those of us in communications call “wriggle words”. Words like “could” and “might”, and terms like “encouraging signs”, “started to explore”, and “another significant step”.
Hats off to the Glam Adelaide writer, Coco Chittleborough, for sticking with the interview and asking the all important question, namely, if we get the green light, where will we get platypuses from?
The man from Green Adelaide said, “while we’ve started to explore potential source populations, these have not yet been determined and will form a future part of the project.”
And then I noticed the river study was dated 2022, meaning this seemingly “much ado about nothing” story was surprisingly being pushed when the government was keen to create some green credentials.
Having just been discussing the work of theoretical physicist, Professor Schrödinger, with my daughters, his thought experiment was top of mind. The famous “Schrödinger’s cat” paradox was created to highlight how strange quantum theory can seem when one tries to apply it to everyday-sized objects. In essence, until a measurement is made, the cat is described in a quantum superposition of being both alive and dead. Only be opening the box can it be resolved into a particular state for the observer.
And there we have the genesis of Schrödinger’s Platypus. It is the perfect topic for some spin because the creatures’ nocturnal habits mean nobody will truly know if they are there or not. And, meanwhile, your government can milk the headlines with furry goodness.
PS Yes, I have taken some satirical licence with this song. Let’s just say it is “based” on a true story.
Schrödinger’s Platypus lyrics
[Verse 1]
I wanna to tell you a story
about Schrödinger’s Platypus
It was in the river, and not in the river
When it wasn’t in the bush
You might ask, how this can be?
Have I finally, lost my mind?
But this story was spun, here in Adelaide
By a sinister mastermind
[Verse 2]
Do you know about the famous cat
Owned by the famous physicist
He said if it was in a box
You couldn’t know whether it exists
Well swap the cat, for a platypus
And the River Torrens, for that box
And prepare to hear a story
About a monotreme paradox
[Chorus]
If you’ve seen Schrödinger’s Platypus, you’re one of the lucky few
It spends all day in its burrow, away from the public view
Politicians sing its praises, and claim its saving was a must
To believe in Schrödinger’s Platypus
Is to pledge your civic trust
[Verse 3]
I came across Schrödinger’s Platypus
On a lazy Sunday afternoon
I was scrolling through the social networks
Such a shameful thing to do
But then a story caught my eye
Four million dollars, being spent
To make our river wild again
Instead of filling it with cement
[Verse 4]
This story was from the same government
That took our parks, out of quarantine
So they could legally take away trees
By turning on their chain machines
But could this be, a brand new start?
Could it bring our Park Lands alive?
But then I read past the headline
And my joy, did not survive
[Chorus]
If you’ve seen Schrödinger’s Platypus, you’re one of the lucky few
It spends all day in its burrow, away from the public view
Politicians sing its praises, and claim its saving was a must
To believe in Schrödinger’s Platypus
Is to pledge your civic trust
[Verse 5]
The headline said, it was a major push
To bring the platypus to our town
But then it said could, and then it said might
And that’s when I started to frown
The government man said, they did some tests
To see what a platypus needs
But our river didn’t have enough water flow
And was swamped by excessive reeds
[Verse 6]
And that’s when he dropped the bombshell
About the foxes, and the cats
He said, they’d be feasting on platypus
If we ever did bring them back
But he wasn’t too concerned
He said, there’s nothing much to fear
We don’t even know where to get them from
That search is gonna take us years
[Chorus]
If you’ve seen Schrödinger’s Platypus, you’re one of the lucky few
It spends all day in its burrow, away from the public view
Politicians sing its praises, and claim its saving was a must
To believe in Schrödinger’s Platypus
Is to pledge your civic trust
[Verse 7]
I fainted at that confession
And then I fell right off my chair
Then I swore, I saw Professor Schrödinger
He was in front of me, standing there
I apologise to him, for my puzzled look
I said, I thought that you were dead
He smiled at the subtle irony
And then this is what he said
[Verse 8]
Did you know this story was based upon
A study done four years ago?
Do you think it’s a bit suspicious
That only today they are letting you know?
They’re cutting down trees and laying down track
And disturbing the natural scene
So they flash around a platypus
To convince the world they’re green
[Chorus]
If you’ve seen Schrödinger’s Platypus, you’re one of the lucky few
It spends all day in its burrow, away from the public view
Politicians sing its praises, and claim its saving was a must
To believe in Schrödinger’s Platypus
Is to pledge your civic trust
[Verse 9]
I said to Professor Schrödinger
Would our government really lie?
If I walked along the River Torrens
Wouldn’t I see one with my eye?
He said a platypus story is made for spin
Because it sleeps underground all day
And at night it swims underwater
When it goes hunting for its prey
[Bridge]
And that’s when I saw the cunning plan
And we both shared knowing looks
It could be both alive, and not alive
That’s why, it’s Schrödinger’s platypus
[Instrumental pause]
[Chorus]
If you’ve seen Schrödinger’s Platypus, you’re one of the lucky few
It spends all day in its burrow, away from the public view
Politicians sing its praises, and claim its saving was a must
To believe in Schrödinger’s Platypus
Is to pledge your civic trust
Listen to Schrödinger’s Platypus
Schrödinger’s Platypus scratchings
