In my collected, handwritten lyrics book, this one is wedged between two, sprawling, double-page-spread streams of consciousness, which gives you a sense of the ecosystem from which it emerged.
This song, written in May of 1992, captures my angry dissolution with Christianity, the church, society, and my attempts to live a noble life.
I was moved by the thought of a homeless person seeking shelter against a church building, at night, in the rain, and being shooed along like a pest.
This disconnect between the virtues of the Bible and the reality of society where all that “Christianity stuff” was performative window dressing and virtue signalling for staying “in the clique”, was bottled up inside of me, and blurted itself out in this song.
There is also influence from my greatest inspirer, Leonard Cohen. In Joan Of Arc he mentions the loosening of the high silver thread, and in The Window, he sings about the high silver nerve. This conjured for me, the image of a thread reaching from human to heaven.
The rest of the song has many allusions to reading, philosophy, and Jesus’ teaching and acts, all interwoven in an rather bleak reflection and tale.
Perhaps only listen to this when your mood is buoyant. Or, actually, when it has sunk, because I found Leonard’s songs worked their magic on me when I was low. It gave a sense of someone else having been where you are, and that always lifted my spirits and nurtured the flame of hope.
Okay, that’s enough. You should be primed for this song, now.
Some Original Scratchings Of These Lyrics
No Pain, No Prayer Lyrics
[verse 1]
I chase away the boredom across forbidden pages
Overwhelmed by wisdom and desires too courageous
I settle near a bookshelf. I touch the dusty spines
And I lose myself in conflict, philosophy and time
[verse 2]
The path I chose to follow — the path of least resistance
It lost me in its shadow, it fooled me with its distance
Should I pursue hallucination, unsure of what I’ll gain
Or should I surrender to your sacrificial pain?
[verse 3]
There are so many people who wander through my city
They distract me with their beauty, or demand of me my pity
But I am also helpless — I cannot hear my guide
When I pray I’m only searching for a safer place to hide
[refrain]
I’ve lived so many lives now, I’ve learned so many lessons
I can no longer tell which ones are mine
[verse 4]
I thought I saw the hands of God reaching down from Heaven
They were holding strings and candles and loaves of bread unleavened
They pointed to a churchyard and there I saw a beggar
He was praying for survival and protection from the weather
[verse 5]
I offered my umbrella but the man he turned away
He said “I have no fear of rain, only of decay
Your gift — it wouldn’t save me, it would only buy me time
I’d much prefer your company — I’d gladly share my wine.”
[verse 6]
I left him in depression, for I couldn’t meet his need
Or that was my impression — and for once my God agreed
So I held the string on offer, as the candle’s fire shone
And I took the bread he gave me and I dined on it alone
[refrain]
I’ve lived so many lives now, I’ve learned so many lessons
I can no longer tell which ones are mine